Karaoké Alice's Restaurant Arlo Guthrie

This song is called

Alice's Restaurant and it's 'bout Alice

And the restaurant

But Alice's restaurant is not the name of the restaurant

That's just the name of the song

That's why I called the song

Alice's Restaurant

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Walk right in it's around the back

Just a half a mile from the railroad track

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago

Was on two years ago on Thanksgiving when my friend and I

Went up to visit Alice at the restaurant but

Alice doesn't live in the restaurant she lives in the church nearby

The restaurant in the bell-tower with her husband Ray and

Fasha the dog and livin' in the bell tower like that they got a lot

Of room downstairs where the pews used to be and

Havin' all that room seein' as how they took out all the pews

They decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time

We got up there

We found all the garbage in there and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down

To the city dump

So we took the half a ton of garbage put it in the back of a red VW microbus

Took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and

Headed on toward the city dump

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across the dump saying

"closed on Thanksgiving"

We had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for a

Another place to put the garbage

We didn't find one

'Till we came to a side road and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and

At the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage and we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles and

Rather than bring that one up we decided to throw ours down

That's what we did

Drove back to the church had a Thanksgiving dinner

That couldn't be beat went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning when we got a phone call from officer Obie

He said kid we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of ab' a half a ton of garbage and

Just wanted to know if you had any information about it

And I said yes Sir officer Obie cannot tell a lie

I put that envelope under that garbage

After speaking to him for about forty-five minutes on the telephone we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said

We had to go down and pick up the garbage and

And also had to go down and speak to him at the police officer's station

So we got in the red

VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on

Toward the police officer's station

Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done

At the police station and the first was that he coulda given us a medal for being so brave and honest on the telephone

Which wasn't very likely we didn't expect it

And the other thing was that he coulda bawled us out and told us never

To be see driving garbage around the vicinity again

Which is what we expected but when we got to the police officer's station

There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon and we was both immediately arrested

Handcuffed and I said Obie

I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on

He said shut up kid

Get in the back of the patrol car

And that's what we did we sat in the back of the patrol car and drove

To the quote "Scene of the Crime" unquote

I want tell you about the town of

Stockbridge Massachusetts

Where this happened here

They got three stop signs

Two police officers and one police car but when we got to the "Scene of the Crime"

There was five police officers and three police cars

Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years and everybody wanted to get in

The newspaper story about it and they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hangin' around

The police officer's station

They was taking plaster tire tracks foot prints dog smelling prints

They took twenty seven

Eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining

What each one was to be used as evidence against us

Took pictures of the approach the getaway

The northwest corner the southwest corner

And that's not to mention the aerial photography

After the ordeal we went back to the jail

Obie said he was gonna put us in the cell said kid I'm gonna

Put you in the cell

I want your wallet and your belt

And I said Obie

I can understand you

Wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell but what do you want my belt for?

And he said kid we don't want any hangings

I said Obie did you think I was gonna hang myself for litterin'?

Obie said he was making sure and friends Obie was 'cos he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself

Over the head and drown

And he took out the toilet paper so

I couldn't bend the bars roll out

The roll the toilet paper out the window

Slide down the roll and have an escape

Obie was making sure

And it was about four or five hours later that Alice

Remember Alice?

It's a song about Alice

Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side bailed us out of jail and we went back to the church had another Thanksgiving

Dinner that couldn't be beat and we didn't get up until the next morning when we all had to go to court

We walked in, sat down

Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph

On the back of each one sat down

Man came in said all rise we all stood up and

Obie stood up with

The twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog and he sat down, we sat down

Obie looked at the seeing eye dog

And then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with the circles

And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one

And looked at the seeing eye dog

And then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back

Of each one and began to cry 'cos Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of american blind justice

And there wasn't nothing he could do about it

And the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color

Glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used

As evidence against us

We was fined

Fifty dollars and had to pick up the garbage in the snow but

That's not what I came to tell you about

Came to talk about the draft

They got a building down in New York City

It's called Whitehall Street where you walk in you get injected

Inspected detected infected neglected and selected

I went down to get my physical examination one day and I walked in

I sat down, got good and drunk the night before

So I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning

'Cos I wanted to look like the all-American kid from

New York City

Man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all

I wanted to be the all-American kid from

New York and I walked in

Sat down I was hung down brung down hung up and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things and I waked in and sat down and they

Gave me a piece of paper said kid

See the psychiatrist room six O four and I

I went up there

I said shrink

I want to kill

I mean I wanna I wanna kill kill, I wanna I wanna see

I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth eat dead burnt bodies

I mean kill

Kill, kill, kill

And I started jumpin' up and down yelling kill, kill

And he started jumpin' up and down with me

And we was both jumpin' up and down yelling kill, kill

And the Sargent came over pinned a medal on me sent me down the hall

Said you're our boy

Didn't feel too good about it

Proceeded on down the hall gettin' more injections inspections detections

Neglections and all kinds of stuff that they as doin' to me at the thing there and I was there for two hours

Three hours, four hours

I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things

And I was just having a tough time there and they was inspecting injecting every single part of me and they

Was leaving no part untouched

Proceeded through when I when I finally came to see the very last man I walked in walked in sat down after

A whole big thing there and I walked up and said what do you want?

He said kid we only got one question

Have you ever been arrested?

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's

Restaurant Massacre with full orchestration and five part harmony

And stuff like that and all the phenome and he stopped me right there and said kid

Did you ever go to court?

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows

And the paragraph on the back of each one

And he stopped me right there and said kid

I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W now kid

And I I walked over to the to the bench there and there is is group W's where where they put you if you may not be moral enough

To, to join the army after committin' your special crime and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly

Looking people on the bench there and there's mother rapers father stabbers father rapers

Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me and one they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible

Crime-type guys sitting there on the bench

And the meanest ugliest nastiest one the meanest father raper

Of them all was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things

And he sat down next to me and said kid

Whad'ya get?

I said I didn't get nothing

I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the garbage

He said what were you arrested for kid?

And I said litterin' and they all moved away from me on the bench there and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean

Nasty things 'till I said and creating a nuisance

And they all came back shook my hand and we had a great time

On the bench talkin' about crime mother stabbing father raping all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about

On the bench and everything was fine

We was smokin' cigarettes and all kinds of things until the Sargent came over

Had some paper in his hand held it up and said kids

This piece of paper's got forty seven words thirty-seven sentences

Fifty-eight words we wanna know details of the crime time of the crime and any other kind of thing you gotta say pertaining to and about

The crime I want to know arresting officer's name and any other kind of thing you gotta say and talked for forty-five minutes

And nobody understood a word that he said but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there

And I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony and

Wrote it down there just like it was and everything was fine and I

Put down the pencil and I turned over the piece of paper and there then on the other side

In the middle of the other side

Away from everything else on the other side

In parentheses

Capital letters

Quotated

Read the following words

Kid

Have you rehabilitated yourself?

I went over to the Sargent said Sargent you got a

Lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself

I mean

I mean, I mean that just

I'm sittin' here on the bench

I mean I'm sittin' here on the Group W bench

'Cos you want to know if

I'm moral enough to join the

Army burn women kids houses and villages after bein' a litterbug, mmm?

He looked at me and said kid we don't like your kind

And we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington and friends

Somewhere in Washington enshrined in

Some little folder is a study in black and white of my fingerprints and the only reason I'm singing you this song now

Is 'cos you may know somebody in a similar situation

Or you may be in a similar situation and if your in a situation like that

There's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are just walk in say shrink

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant and walk out

You know if one person just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him

And if two people two people do it in harmony

They may think they're both faggots and

They won't take either of them

And if three people do it

Three can you imagine three people walking in singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out, they may think it's an organization

And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day

I said fifty people a day walking in singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant

And walking out and friends they may think it's a movement

And that's what it is

The Alice's Restaurant

Anti-Massacree movement and all you got to do to join is to sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar with feeling

So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar here and sing it when it does

Here it comes

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Walk right in it's around the back

Just a half a mile from the railroad track

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

That was horrible

If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud

You can put it loud

I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes and

I could sing it for another twenty five minutes

I'm not proud or tired

So we'll wait 'till it comes around again and

This time with four part harmony and feeling

We're just waitin' for it to come around that's what we're doing

All right now

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant excepting Alice

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

I said walk right in it's around the back

Just a half a mile from the railroad track

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Da-da da-da da-da da-dum at Alice's Restaurant