Karaoké A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying Bloodhound Gang

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night

I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's

Hump Palace lookin' for love

It had been a while

In fact

Three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since

That midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-one-oh

I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy-Duke cut-offs

And one of those fruit of the loom tank-tops

Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips

Milky white skin and baby blue eyes

Name was Russell

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say shallow grave

This pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock

Said her name was Bambi and I said

Well that's a coincidence darlin'

'Cos I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer

Well she smiled had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern

And I went on to tell her how

I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance

And then she told me to shush

I guess she could sense my desperation

'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true

So I says

Even this one I have where

Jesus Christ is jackhammering

Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as

Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later

I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean

Got to nail her back at her trailer

Heh

That rhymes

I have to admit

It was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when

I popped the clutch gave the tranny a spin and slid on into the

Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle

Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop

There I was browsin' through the latest issue of Throb

When I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton

Well, my heart just dropped

So, I decided to do what any good Christian would

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon

Of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher

When you're doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler

I never thought missing children could be so sexy

Did I say that out loud

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'