Karaoké Three Point One Four Bloodhound Gang

My last girlfriend didn't like me

Thought she might be most likely a dyke

She just didn't excite me

Lefty, yeah but that was alright

She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright

My mistake, she was more flaky than a leper colony

Think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company

Ass like a donkey, actin' funky

Gave her L, now she's a flunky

So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys

Early bird gets the worm

Spread your legs or spread the word

So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd

I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color

And I'm lookin' for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother but it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy

And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussy

Like 'em easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee

You know what I really want in a girl

Me

I need to find a new vagina

Any kinda new vagina

It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina

Calvin Klein kinda

North Carolina

Women are like dog doo

Hear me through, don't interrupt

It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up

I'd fill the generation gap

Clean the cobwebs from her rafters

Old hens would rather put out

Than be put out to the pasture

No age just ain't a gauge

I like my girls like my cheese

Preferably for me fat-free

American singles only

I want my next chick anorexic

The winner is the thinner

Won't have to take her skinny ass

Out to a fancy dinner

Like Sizzler

She got a beef, we'll chew the fat

If I forget to put the seat up

I can put up with her crap

Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed, I don't play rough

No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up

Just independent like NOFX

Smart like Janeane Garafolo

She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know

Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System

Gee

You know what I really want in a girl

Me

I need to find a new vagina

Any kinda new vagina

It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina

Kevin Kline kinda

South Carolina

Vagina

Vagina

Vagina

Vagina

Vagina

Vagina

Vagina

Vagina