Karaoké Asshole Denis Leary

Folks

I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream

About me

About you

About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests

About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts

Maybe below the cockles

Maybe in the sub cockle area

Maybe in the liver

Maybe in the kidneys

Maybe even in the colon

We don't know

I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job

I'm your average white suburbanite slob

I like football and porno and books about war

I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor

My wife and my job

My kids and my car

My feet on my table and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested

No way

No I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense

Yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane while people behind me are goin' insane

I'm an asshole

Yo yo yo yo yo

I'm an asshole yo

Ba dee yo, ba dee yo

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat

I walk around in the summertime sayin' how about this heat

I'm an asshole

Yo yo yo yo yo

I'm an asshole yo

Yo yo yo yo

Yeah sometimes I park in handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole

Yo yo yo yo yo

I'm an asshole

Blll blll yo yo

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song

Rantin' and ravin' and carryin' on

Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong

Nah

I'm an asshole

Yo yo yo yo yo

I'm an asshole yo

Blll blll blll

You know what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna get myself a nineteen sixty-seven

Cadillac Eldorado convertible

Hot pink with whale skin hubcaps

And all leather cow interior

And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights yeah

And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at a hundred and fifteen miles per hour

Gettin' one mile per gallon

Suckin' down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's

In the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers

And when I'm done suckin' down those grease ball burgers

I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag

And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side

And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it

You know why

Because we've got the bomb that's why

Two words

Nuclear fucking weapons okay

Russia, Germany, Romania

They can have all the democracy they want

They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square

And it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs okay

John Wayne's not dead

He's frozen

And as soon as we find a cure for cancer

We're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off

You know why

Have you ever taken a cold shower

Well multiply that by fifteen million times

That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be

I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes

And Lee Marvin

And Sam Peckinpah

And a case of whiskey

And drive down to Texas

Don't you just shut up and sing the song pal

I'm an asshole

Yo yo yo yo yo

I'm an asshole

A-S-S-H-O-L-E

Everybody

A-S-S-H-O-L-E

Hoof

Hoof hoof

Hoof hoof

Hoof hoof

Funf

Ah tch kh too

Tchin voo

Ah fuh foo

I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it