Karaoké Bum Biddy Eight Crazy Nights (film) (Adam Sandler)

Tommy

Nothin' personal

But Whitey Duval should've won the Patch tonight and you people are crazy for not realizin' that

Why would we give Whitey Duval the Patch

So he could use it as a blanket

That's the reaction

I thought I'd get

Everyone in this room has been associated with Whitey either through basketball or the mall

Or various odd jobs he does around town for free or at most a dollar

And I'm guessin' ninety-nine percent of you have either laughed in Whitey's face

Or ruthlessly made fun of his feet or voice or sister or shortness when he wasn't lookin'

But the next time you'd see him he'd still go out of his way to smile and wave at you

And ask you about your mother's operation or somethin' like that

Because he unlike us actually cares about someone other than himself

The reason I bring this up to you is because I was the worst offender of all

My life was simply goin' nowhere then a tiny little man rushed to my side

He should've gotten a big thank you

Instead he got a Porta-Potty ride

I was such a shithead but he never quit on me 'till I told him he was useless and his sister was freaky

Once when we were watchin'

Sunday football a fuzzy screen was all that we could see

Whitey came over with a hanger and spent the game atop our TV

And when the lightnin' struck him he let out a wicked, loud yell

But we just turned up the volume and ignored the burnin' smell

We should all rot in hell

I went to high school with Whitey

As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom

When he got there I said

I can't believe you thought

I was serious

So he ran home cryin' and slow-danced with his mom

What a crushin' blow to Whitey

I bet you wish you could take it back

How could you all be so mean to Whitey

Sounds to me like you are all on crack

Tonight Whitey was countin' on this town to show that we care

But the first time he really needed us we weren't there

And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Hanukkah

It's just not fair

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I wonder if that guy ever wiped his ass with the wrong hand

Yes

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