Karaoké Titties & Beer (live) Frank Zappa

It was the blackest night

There was no moon in sight

You know the stars ain't shinin' 'cos the sky's too tight

I heard the scary wind

I seen some ugly trees

There was a werewolf honkin' 'long the side of me

I'm mean and I'm bad

You know I ain't no sissy

Got a big titty girly by the name of Chrissy

Talkin' about her and my bike and me

And this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery

I noticed even the crickets were actin' weird up here

And so I figured I might just drink a little beer

I said

Gimme some of that what you're suckin' on

But there was no reply 'cos she was gone

Where's those titties

I like so well and my goddamn beer

Is what I started to yell

Then I heard this noise like a crunchin' twig

And up jumped the Devil

He's about this big

He had a red suit on

And a widow's peak

And then a pointed tail

And like a sulphur reek

Yes it was him alright

I sweared I knowed it was

He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws

You know it looked to me like it was titty skin

I said You son of a bitch 'cos I was mad at him

Well he just got out his floss and started cleanin' his fang so I shot him with my shooter

Said Bang bang bang

Then the sucker just laughed and said

Oh put it away

You know I ate her all up

Now what you gonna say

You ate my Chrissy

Well what about the beer

Titties and all then boy

Uh

Were the cans this tall

Even her boots

Would I lie to you

Shit you must have been hungry

Yes this is true

Don't they pay you good for the stuff that you do

Well you know

I can't complain when the checks come through

Well I want my Chrissy and I want my beer so you just barf it back up

Now Devil

Do you hear

Blow it out your ass motorcycle man

I mean

I am the Devil

Do you understand

Just what will you give me for your titties and beer

I suppose you noticed this little contract here

You're goddamn right you son of a whore

Don't call me that

That's about the only reason

I learned writin' for

Gimme that paper

Bet your ass I will sign because I need a beer and it's titty-squeezin' time

Man you can't fool me

You ain't that bad

I mean you should've seen some of the souls that I've had

Oh yeah

Well there was

Milhous Nixon and Agnew too

And both of those suckers were worse than you

Well let's make a deal if you think that's true

I mean you're the Devil so what you gonna do

Wait a minute

A tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say

Hey

That you want to make a deal

That's very, very true with me

I mean you ain't supposed to wanna make a deal with me

Ah well I'm slightly different than your average customer

But most

But wait, but most people don't want to make a deal with me

Devil

Yeah but most people are afraid of you

Well what's your story

See they don't know how stupid you are

I happen to know that you jack off to a picture

Hai grrh grrh grrh stupid grrh of Punky Meadows when you get home

You know ever since that guy told you that he contained more fluid than Jeff Beck you've been tryin' to outdo him

Grrh

Grrh grrh I give up do it again

Alright look I'm gonna say one thing to you

This may not register right away but let me say this

Leave your pickle alone for a couple of nights you know what I mean

Now come on

I'm only interested in a couple of things

Wait is that a note for me

Is somebody passin' me a note

What does this say

Frank please do me a favor

I can't find a brother of mine

I could dig it if you could call him from stage

His name is Dirty Tom

Nomads M.C.

Signed Thanks Bear or Bean I can't tell

Well if he's out there

Dirty Tony

De La Nomads

M.C.

Get in touch with

Bean or Bear

And as I was sayin' Devil

I'm an average sort of a person, I'm

You wouldn't believe it but

I'm very much like the people here in this audience tonight

Wait

I think we definitely have somethin' in common

Wait a minute I thought you had funny things growin' in your hair and all that other stuff

I thought

Write weird music you know I thought

Listen

Biker and everything

I mean shit you know

Listen carefully

Big tittied chick that you just had out here

Listen carefully to me with the camera

I mean you know old Devil

Uh huh

I'm only interested in two things

Yeah

See if you can guess what they are

I would think uh

Let's see maybe

Uh Stravinsky and uh

Well I'll give you

I'll give you two clues

Let's see uh

Let go of your pickle

Let go of your pickle

What

Hmm hah

I'm not holdin' my pickle

Well who's holdin' your pickle then

I don't know huh

She's out in the audience

Hey Dale would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird man out here on the stage

You're probably wonderin' why we call it a pickle

Ha ha ha ha

Oh Lord

I don't know, I hate to

I hate to squeal on you Bozzio

I mean Devil

But look I'm only interested in two things

Now wait a minute all I have to say is

God help me even though

I have this ha ha ha

This fuckin' mask on

Ha ha ha ha

Listen if you think that mask looks bad you oughta see his pickle

I'm only interested in two things and that's titties and beer you know what I mean

What

Titties and beer

Grrh grrh grrh

Yeah

Titties and beer, titties and beer

Titties and beer, titties and beer

Titties and beer, titties and beer

Titties and beer, titties and beer

Grrh I don't know if you're the right guy grrh

Grrh

Titties and beer, titties and beer

Titties and beer

No don't sign it

Give me time to think I mean

Alright

Hold on a second boy 'cos that's magic ink

And then the Devil let go of his pickle and out comes my girl

They heard the titties plop-ploppin' all around the world

She said

I got me three beers and a fist full of down and I'm gonna get ripped so fuck you clowns

Then she gave us the finger

It was rigid and stiff

That's when the Devil he farted and she went right over the cliff

Prrrt

Woah tinsel time uh huh

Well the Devil was mad

I took off to my pad

I swear I do declare

How did she get back there

Do declare

How did she get back there

I swear I do declare

How did she get back there

Do declare

How did she get back there

I swear I do declare

How did she get back there

I swear I do declare

Get back there

I swear I do declare

How did she get back there

Do declare

How did she get back there

Well I do declare

How did she get back there

Get back there

I swear I do declare

Alright

Alright that, that, that's enough of the Devil and his famous pickle

We're goin' to make another dramatic if if somewhat

Rickety segway into another song called Cruisin' For Burgers

Wait a minute