Karaoké (The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs Hairspray (film, 2007) (Michelle Pfeiffer)

Front step cha cha cha

Back step cha cha cha

Side step front step back and turn

Oh my God Penny there's Link, Link

I can't believe

I'm really here auditioning

I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition

Front step cha cha cha

Back step cha cha cha

Side step front step back

And oh Amber

Look at this motley crew

Oh, this town sure gone down hill since I was crowned miss

Oh mother no more ancient history

Oh my God how times have changed

These girls must be blind or completely deranged

But times seem to halt when I was

Miss Baltimore Crabs

Amber, that move is far too dirty

Mother, wake up

From that dream of yours

This isn't nineteen thirty

You can laugh but life's a test

Don't do this, don't do that

Remember, mother knows best

And the crowns in the vault from when I won

Miss Baltimore Crabs

These steps are perfect ammunition

Let me show you how your mommy dear took out the competition

Girls go get them boys let rumba

One two three four five six seven

Those poor runner ups might still hold some grudges they padded their cups

But I screwed the judges those brawds thought they'd win

If a plate they would spin in there dance ah ah ah, not a chance

Boys put me down oh good morning ladies let's see what you got

Twist twist twist twist mashed potato, mambo

Ready? Begin

On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip or bump and grind

What's that a dance for flees and ticks

Oh you should have seen my bag of tricks

Oh I hit the stage batons ablaze

While belting aita and preparing soufflés

But that triple somersault is how I clinched

Miss Baltimore Crabs

Proceed

Are you scared we're on live?

No I'm sure I can cope

Well this show isn't broadcasted

Cinemascope

I never drank one chocolate malt

No deserts for

Miss Baltimore crabs

This one will never get a date in those hand me down clothes

Ah, kid she'll never get a date until daddy buys her a new nose

I would say oy gavault

If I wasn't

Miss Baltimore Crabs

Do you dance like you dress?

Amber there's no need

To be cruel

Would you swim in an integrated pool?

I sure would

I'm all for integration

It's the new frontier

Not in Baltimore it isn't and may I be frank

First impressions can be tough and when I saw you I knew it

If your size weren't enough your last answer just blew it

And so my dear so short and stout

You'll never be in so we're kicking you out so we're kicking you out

With your form and your face ah it isn't your fault

You're just down with a case of Miss Baltimore Crabs

Huh huh

You may go

Mmm, thank you

I think they secretly liked you

May I please audition?

Ah ah ah of course not but you may bow and exalt because I am

Miss Baltimore Crabs

Ooh

Crabs

Crabs

Crabs