Karaoké Beautiful Heathers (musical)

September First

Nineteen eighty-nine

Dear Diary

I think I'm a good person

I believe there's good in everyone

But here we are

First day of senior year

I see these kids I've known all my life and wonder what happened

We were so tiny

Happy and shiny

Playing tag and getting chased

Singing and clapping

Laughing and napping

Baking cookies, eating paste

Then we got bigger

That was the trigger

Like the Huns invading Rome

Welcome to my school

This ain't no high school

This is the Thunderdome

Hold your breath and count the days

We're graduating soon

College will be paradise if I'm not dead by June

But I know, I know life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray for a better way

If we changed back then we could change again

We can be beautiful

Ow

Just not today

Get away nerd

Things will get better soon as my letter comes from Harvard

Duke or Brown

Wake from this coma

Take my diploma

Then I can blow this town

Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés

Watch this

Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze

Oops

Ram Sweeney

Third year as line-backer and eighth years smacking lunch trays

And being a huge dick

What did you say to me skank

Ooh ah ah ah ah ah nothing

But I know, I know life can be beautiful

I pray, I pray for a better way

We were kind before

We can be kind once more

We can be beautiful

Agh

Hey Martha

Hey

Martha Dunnstock

My best friend since diapers

She's got a huge heart

Around here that's not enough

Thanks

We on for movie night

You're on Jiffy Pop detail

I rented The Princess Bride

Ho ho ho ho again

Don't you have it memorized by now

Oh ho ho what can I say

I'm a sucker for a happy ending

Martha Dumptruck

Ha ha ha ha

If you wanna lose a few pounds you need more protein in your diet

Kurt Kelly

Quarterback

He is the smartest guy on the football team

Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf

What is wrong with you

I'm sorry are you actually talking to me

My buddy Kurt asked you a question

What gives you the right to pick on my friend

Look at you you're a high school has-been waiting to happen

A future gas station attendant

You got a zit right there

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Dear diary

Why

Why do they hate me

Why don't I fight back

Why do I act like such a creep

Why

Why won't he date me

Why did I wear this

Why

Give me some hope here

Something to live for

Then there's the Heathers

They float above it all

Heather McNamara

Head cheerleader

Her dad is loaded

He sells engagement rings

Heather Duke

Runs the yearbook

No discernible personality but her mom did pay for implants

And Heather Chandler

The Almighty

She is a mythic bitch

The Heathers are solid Teflon

Never bothered, never harassed

I would give anything to be like that

I'd like to be their boyfriend

If I sat at their table guys would notice me

I'd like them to be nicer

I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked

In an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats

Ugh

Grow up Heather

Bulimia is so eighty-seven

Heather I need a mint

What you need Heather is to see a doctor

Ah Heather and Heather

Ugh and Heather

Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting

You're late for class

Heather wasn't feeling well

We're helping her

Not without a hall pass you're not

A week's detention

What

But Miss Fleming

I've got cheerleader practice

Actually Miss Fleming all four of us are out on a hall pass

Yearbook committee

I see you're all listed

Hurry up and get where you're going

This is an excellent forgery

Who are you

Veronica Sawyer

I crave a boon

What boon

Let me sit at your table at lunch

Just once

No talking necessary

If people think you guys tolerate me they'll leave me alone

Ah ha ha ha ha ha

Before you answer

I also do report cards

Permission slips and absence notes

How about prescriptions

Shut up Heather

Sorry Heather

For a greasy little nobody you do have good bone structure and a symmetrical face

If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull

I'd have matching halves

That's very important

Of course you could stand to lose a few pounds

And you know, you know

You know

This could be beautiful

Mascara

Maybe some lip gloss and we're on our way

Get this girl some blush and Heather I need your brush

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Okay

Out of my way geek

I don't want trouble

You're gonna die at three P.M.

Don't you dare touch me

Get away pervert

What did I ever do to them

Who's that with Heather

And someone

And a babe

Veronica

And you know, you know

You know

Life can be beautiful

You hope, you dream

You pray

And you get your way

Ask me how it feels

Looking like hell on wheels

My God it's beautiful

I might be beautiful

And when you're beautiful

It's a beautiful fricking day

Yeah hey