Karaoké Miracle Matilda The Musical

My mommy says I'm a miracle

My daddy says

I'm his special little guy

I am a princess

And I am a prince

Mom says I'm an angel sent down from the sky

My daddy says

I'm his special little soldier

No one is as handsome strong as me

It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge

But I'm his little soldier

Hup two four three

My mommy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face and it's plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord it's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me

My daddy says

I'm his special little soldier

No one is as bold or tough as me

Has my daddy told you one day when I'm older

I can be a soldier and shoot you in the face

One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days

It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days

Specialness seems de rigueur

Above average is average

Go figure

Is it some modern miracle of calculus that such frequent miracles don't render each one un-miraculous

My mommy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face and it's plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord it's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me

My mommy says

I'm a precious barrelina

She has never seen a prettier barrelina

She says if I'm keen I have to cut down on the cream

But I'm a barrelina so give me more cake

Take another picture of our angel

Take another picture of our angel in that costume that I made in that costume that I made

The role of tree has never been portrayed with such convincing sway

That's right honey

Look at mommy

Don't put honey on your brother

Smile for mommy

Smile for mother

I think she blinked

Well take another

Have you seen his school report

He got a C on his report

What

We'll have to change his school

The teacher's clearly falling short

She's just delightful

She's just delightful

So hilarious and insightful

Insightful

Might she be a little brighter than the norm

I know to boys it's frightful form

My mommy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face and it's plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord it's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me

My mommy says I'm a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball

You can be all cynica but it's a truth empirical

There's never been a miracle

A miracle as miracle as me

Look

Is this gonna take much longe doctor

I've got a plane to catch at three

I'm competing in the Bi-annual

International Amateur

Salsa and Balroom Dancing

Championship in Paris

You're getting on a plane

Mrs Wormwood

Oh yeah

I've been training four hours a day for the last two years and I can tell you one thing

If Jennifer Littleton thinks she's walking off with the coveted

Golden Shoe this year she's got another think coming

Okay

I've got a secret weapon

Rudolpho

He's part Italian you know

Very supple

He has incredible upper body strength

I think we should have a talk

So

What is it

What's wrong with me

Mrs Wormwood do you really have no idea

Wind

Mrs Wormwood I want you to think very carefully now

What do you think might be the cause of this

Huh

Am I

Am I

Uh look

Am I fat

Mrs Wormwood you're pregnant

What

You're going to have a baby

But I've got a baby

I don't want another one

Well isn't there something you can do

You're nine months pregnant

Uh oh

Antibiotics or

Oh my good Lord

What about the Golden Shoe

A baby Mrs Wormwood

A child

The most precious gift that the natural world can bestow upon us has been handed to you

A brand new human being

A life

A person

A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love and magic and happiness and wonder

Oh bloody hell

Every life

I bring into this world restores my faith in humankind

Push Mrs Wormwood push

I'll push you in a minute

Each new-born life, a canvas yet unpainted

This still unbroken skin

This uncorrupted mind

Every life is unbelievably unlikely

The chances of existence almost infinitely small

The most common thing in life is life

And yet every single life

Every new life is a miracle

Miracle

Where is he

Where's my son

Uh Mister Wormwood uh are you smoking a cigarette

What

Oh of course I'm sorry doctor what am I thinking

This calls for a proper smoke

Uh who won

Was it Jennifer Littleton

Uh maybe I can get a later flight or something

Mrs Wormwood please stay where you are

As I keep telling you you are in no condition to dance the tarantella

Oh my word he's an ugly little thing ain't he ha ha ha

It's one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen

You need glasses mate

He looks like a prune

Oh my good Lord

Where's his fingie

What

His doo-dah, his whatchamacallit

What you've done with his fingie

This child doesn't have a thingie Mister Wormwood

What

A boy with no fingie

Look what you've done you stupid woman

This boy's got no fingie

Mister Wormwood

This child is a girl, a girl

A beautiful, beautiful little girl

Just put me out me misery

Was it Jennifer Littleton or not

Of course it was Jennifer Littleton

Ey I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy could we

This is the worst day of my life

Oh my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal

My skin looks just revolting in this foul fluorescent light

And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal

Semi-Spanish gown

I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight

I should be dancing the tarantella

Qui mon fella italiano

Not dressed in hospital cotton

With a smarting front bottom

And this horrible

Miracle

Smelly little

Weakly little ball of fat

Miracle

What the hell was that

Will someone give this thing a bottle

Or swap it for a later model

Why do bad things always happen to

Why do bad things always happen to good people good people

Fine upstanding citizens like

Fine upstanding citizens like you and me you and me

Why when we've done nothing wrong

Why when we've done nothing wrong should this disaster come along should this disaster come along

This horrible weird looking

This horrible weird looking hairy little stinky thing

With no sign of a winky-ding at all

Miracle

Miracle

A miracle, every life's a miracle

Beautiful miracle

I have ever seen

I can't find his frank and beans

Every life is unbelievably unlikely

The chances of existence almost infinitely small

The most common thing in life is life

Hup two four three

And yet every single life

Every new life is a miracle

Miracle

Miracle

My mommy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face and it's plain to see

Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord it's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me

My mommy says I'm a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball

You can be all cynical but it's a truth empirical

There's no such thing

There's never been a miracle

A miracle as miracle as me as a miracle

My mommy says

I'm a lousy little worm

My daddy says I'm a bore

My mommy says

I'm a jumped-up little germ

That kids like me should be against the law

My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole

No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me

Mom says I'm a good case for population control

Dad says I should watch more

TV