Karaoké Vending Machine of Love OnlyCans: Thirst Date (The Stupendium)

This is a song about soft drinks and nothing else

Get your mind out of the gutter

Hey guys

Are your lips dry

Any desiccated ladies tryin' to get by

I know the best way for the girls and the boys to come together and enjoy a little moisture

So you're waitin' on the mate that's one-a-million and carbonation ain't the way that you envisioned

You say you're strange but baby shed your inhibitions and let your date slip into somethin' aluminium

She's elegant and eloquent and so effervescent

Subtle bubbles in my stubble feelin' ever so pleasant

Never thought I'd find a girl with such a delicate essence

Free with the meal deal at the delicatessen uh

Saw you sittin' in the fridge with a twinkle

Are you a multi-pack can or are you single

A little sippin' and a spritz isn't sinful

I'm just finna get my finger in your ring pull

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love and pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreamin' of

If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man you can get your juices flowin' with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous can has a heart to fill so I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil

Get lost in the froth as the foam expands

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Now you've seen other paysite galleries but none of those girls taste like raspberries

So if you think we're just some obscene cannery

All our cans are over eighteen calories

So give a spray for some flirtatious behavior

That come-hither hiss is what you came for

We've been brewin' up a plethora of flavors

Say we're crude

You can never say we're tasteless

So if you drink it straight or with a mixer

Bring a mister or a missus home for dinner

Everybody's got a different fizzle in their spritzer

What's it matter what ingredients are on your sticker

I haven't met you all but it's contextual

You're all impeccable if it's consensual

If you're ace, demi

Pan-flexible

End of the day we are all can-sexual

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love and pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreamin' of

If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man you can get your juices flowin' with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous can has a heart to fill so I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil

We can semi-guarantee that we won't be banned

Get your lovin' while you're gluggin' on some OnlyCans

May be fizzy but I'll spit a little candor

Sure it's sticky but we'll lick the spillage after

There's only one app for tin-can philanderers

Snappin' what the can did with your candid camera oh

Can a can cancan

Yes it can

All the cans in Cannes are Canuck cans in Canada

Manly cans in Canberra in canoes grabbin' noodles and canoodlin' with cans in Can Tho

Mexican cans in Cancún

Scandalously scantily clad in their scanties and decantin' at you

Campin' with a Scandinavian can under a canopy

Alone in a canyon with your can boo

Share a cannoli with Italian cans on the canals before a candlelit dance

Then canter off to Canterbury for a canny romance

You better cancel your plans

This Can-sonova can't handle the demand

Of Cantabrian cañ-oritas in cantinas with fans on the Canary Islands

Strip canasta 'till you're down to your pants

And your can-panion froths over your hand

Damn these Cantonese Shizes are your creamiest stans ah

So go over to Can-

Canbodia

You can let the local flavor flow over you

Gettin' down with the hard round chromium

Love has never been so low sodium

Can lookin' like a snack

That's a canape

Can-painin' like Barack

That's a candidate

Can sweet on your tongue

That's a candy cane

Can rockin' them guns

That's some cannonade

Feel that can in your heart

That's a cannula

Can sends its regards

That's a Canister

Inquisitive can

That's a canvasser

Insensitive can

Cantankerous

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love and pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreamin' of

If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man you can get your juices flowin' with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous can has a heart to fill so I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil

Hey don't touch

Just hold the cam

Get your lovin' while you're gluggin' on some OnlyCans

So download OnlyCans the app for soda lovers

It's got very high ratings

Oh oh no it's, sorry

It's, it's very hydrating

My mistake