Karaoké Living Next Door to Alice (feat. Roy Chubby Brown) Smokie

Sally called the other day

I've got some news

Your mate Bert's gay

I could not believe he's called himself fuckin' Alice

She said it happened around three o'clock

He just came out of the closet he'd hid his cock

And she was shocked and upset

Mind they'd had on the same frock

I don't know why he's leavin' or why he has to go

Don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go

I guess he'll have his reasons

I might ask him for a blow

I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know

'Cos for twenty-four years

Twenty-four years

I've been livin' with Bert

I've been living next door to Alice who's now Alice

For twenty-four years he's been waitin' for a chance

Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance to dress up in women's clothes and be asked to fuckin' dance

To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance

But I'll never get used to

Got to get used to callin' my mate Bert not living next door to Alice fuckin' Alice

We grew up together but he had a tache

He wore spartly clothes the cunt was flash

At sixteen years old I laughed for he was losin' his hair

I must write to Herbert and tell him the news

I can't look at a cucumber now can't fuck with non Jews

Mind you in the shower Bert

I I mean Alice had a wonderful pair

I don't know why he's leavin' or why he has to go

Don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go

I guess he'll have his reasons

I might ask him for a blow

I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know

'Cos for twenty-four years

For twenty-four years my mate Bert

I've been living next door to Alice is now fucking Alice

For twenty-four years he's been waitin' for a chance

Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance to dress up in women's clothes and be asked to fuckin' dance

To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance

But I'll never get used to

Now I got to get used to call Bert not living next door to Alice fuckin' Alice

Sally called back asked how I felt

She said the bastards pissed off with me brown skirt and belt

She left all these fuckin' Smokey records that I have to sell what a cunt

She said I feel queer

I said hey, so does he

Well he doesn't know

I'm a lesbian you see

For twenty-four years

I've hid me batteries me whip me jack boots

I've got a Ken and Ken doll he just if he comes smacked he's alright

Don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go

I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know

'Cos for twenty-four years

I've been living next door to Alice

Alice

Who the fuck is Alice?

Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance

To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance

But I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice

Alice

Who the fuck is Alice?

Now I've got to get used to callin' Bert Alice

I can just see him fuckin' high heel pit boots on ol' donkey dick

Whatta idiot

I'll tell you what

He can keep away from our fuckin' house

Or I'll give him that right on the fuckin' snout