Karaoké Perception Check Tom Cardy

On the horizon of this forest path you see a group of dark cloaked figures slowly trudging towards you

What do you do

My half-orc barbarian braces her great hammer and that's a one

Critical fail

Steve what do you do

Well I believe in anticipation my rogue would try and hide behind a tree

Okay I rolled a one

That's another critical fail

Tom what does your human bard do

Active perception check

That's a natural twenty

Let's fuckin' go

I feel it in my fingers

I feel it in my toes

These motherfuckers mean to harm us and they got to go so come on get 'em now

You picked the wrong day to fuck around with my tight crew oh oh

There's no escapin' it

I can perceive you

Here's what we're gonna do

Me and my boys gonna mess you up

I rolled a one

I rolled a one

Fuck

My boys are otherwise engaged so I'm gonna bring it all myself

Hey I forgot you're supposed to tell me what I see right

Yes thank you

Let's just slow it all down a bit

So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter

I cast Vicious Mockery

Nat twenty, let's go

You're a short motherfucker and nobody likes you

Short

Everybody says

Look how fuckin' short that guy is and that stops you from formin' meaningful relationships

And when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head but then the doctor said Wait

This stupid motherfuckin' tiny short ass baby got a tiny little itty bitty body and I hate it

Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure

Perception check please

Nat twenty, let's go

You perceive the figure was so short because it was a child

It's always a kid

Specifically the child you've been lookin' for for the last fifteen days game time and five days of our actual lives

Okay I'm sorry I didn't know

I'll be better

Oh fuck his body's just lyin' there right

Right

Yes

Don't

Loot that body

Gotta loot that body now

Loot that body

Gotta loot that motherfucker

Play my flute when

I loot that dead kid's body

Bitch