Karaoké Word Crimes Weird Al Yankovic

Everybody shut up

Everyone listen up

Huh ah huh huh

If you can't write in the proper way

If you don't know how to conjugate

Maybe you flunked that class and maybe now you find that people mock you online

Okay now here's the deal

I'll try to educate ya

Gonna familiarize you with the nomenclature

You'll learn the definitions of nouns and prepositions literacy's your mission

And that's why I think it's a good time to learn some grammar

Now did I stammer?

Work on that grammar

You should know when it's less or it's fewer

Like people who were never raised in a sewer

I hate these word crimes like I could care less

That means you do care at least a little

Don't be a moron you'd better slow down

And use the right pronoun show the world you're no clown

Say you got an IT followed by apostrophe S

Now what does that mean?

You would not use it's in this case as a possessive

It's a contraction

What's a contraction?

Well it's the shortening of a word or a group of words by omission of a sound or letter

Okay now here's some notes syntax you're always mangling

No X in Espresso your participle's danglin'

But I don't want your drama if you really wanna leave out that Oxford comma

Just keep in mind that be see are you

Are words not letters get it together

Use your spellchecker you should never

Write words using numbers unless you're seven

Or your name is Prince

I hate these word crimes

You really need a full-time proofreader you dumb mouth-breather

You should hire some cunning linguist to help you distinguish what is proper English

One thing I ask of you time to learn your homophones is past due

Learn to diagram a sentence too

Always say to whom don't ever say to who

And listen up when I tell you this

I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis

You finished second grade

I hope you can tell if you're doing good or doing well

Better figure out the difference irony is not coincidence

And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull

About what's figurative and what's literal

Oh but just now you said

You literally couldn't get out of bed

That really makes me want to literally

Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head

I read your e-mail it's quite apparent your grammar's errant you're incoherent

I saw your blog post it's really fantastic

That was sarcastic 'cos you write like a spastic

I hate these word crimes your prose is dopey

Think you should only write in emoji

You're a lost cause go back to pre-school

Get out of the gene pool try your best to not drool

Never mind I give up

Really now I give up